Where I Live

I have lived in north Raleigh for six years and one month. Here are some reasons I love living here:

1. I went to college here.
2. I have a great church community at Heritage BC in Wake Forest, NC.
3. I like my sons' teachers at the elementary school.
4. I love the preschool at Hope Lutheran.
5. I get to see and sometimes meet such a diverse group of people everyday.

One thing I do not like about living here:

1. My heart is always in the county of my birth: Rutherford County, NC. If the jobs had been there, I know my husband and I would have never left that county. Our families are there. But I feel very blessed to live where I do today, and I am thankful for the journey that got me here.

Online

I used to be online all day long. I had a laptop on the kitchen table always on and connected throughout the day. Now I restrict myself to getting online only after the children are in bed and my chores are done. I may not even have 30 minutes online time, and I realize that that is okay.

I used to be quite addicted to being online. I could literally feel the rush when I turned on my computer. So strange.

I made a conscience decision to limit my time online, and it was difficult at first. But I think it is better for me. Too much information all the time is very tiring.

Nowadays, I get online, do what I need to do (mainly email), and I get offline. Except tonight. I should have been offline ten minutes ago, and I came to post on my blog instead. :)

Goodnight!

The Weak Become Strong

I just finished watching The Book of Eli with my husband. And then I had to spend 30 minutes telling him about all the theological references in the movie. I always notice things like that since I'm always looking for things to put into a sermon. Also the directing was super. My husband doesn't notice things like that either. *Sigh*

The thing I am reflecting on now is the way the weak become strong in the great stories of our day--both in movies and in books. The Book of Eli is a good example of this idea. It is crazy in the eyes of the world to see that weak people can become the heroes and leaders and saviors for others. But it is not crazy for a God who chose to enter into human history as a baby. The weak become strong: such is the Kingdom of God.

Anxiety

My husband is buying his first business venture on Friday. What a lot of anxiety for me! I know that he will do well--he has a head for business. The company--a staffing agency--is something that he will do well. My husband has recruited before. And he is super great at relating to people and selling his ideas.

But so much anxiety for me! I have a thousand doubts about this unknown. For me, it is just a step of faith in him that gives me a bit of peace about this. Beyond any financial security, I want this to be something that he loves to do--that he will have fun with his business.

I also feel like I am one step behind him as we figure out what things need to be in place for his owning the business. I don't have a head for business apparently. I have always learned better doing things hands-on. Now I get my chance.

Not too many things in my life have had such risk. But taking risks and having them work out makes life rewarding.

I'll trust my husband on this and have faith.

Sick Child

When my youngest child is sick, he just wants me to be near him. He wants me to sit beside him as he watches episode after episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. If I get up, he whines and cries until I sit back down. That is reason the dishes don't get washed.

When we are weary and depressed and sick as adults, do we force our Parent to be near us? God as our Parent isn't about to let other things in the world go undone, but I have never thought about my sickness and its relationship to God before.

When I suffered through the worst of my depression last year, my joy started returning once I pleaded with God to sit beside me. Maybe I was like a whiny child, but I don't think God minds. God loves me more than I will ever love any of my children. God knows the sorrow and pain I go through better than I understand how my 2-year-old feels.

I just wished I had whined a little sooner because God was waiting all along.

Too Many Books?

Yesterday, I took my son to the library where he checked out 17 books. As we were walking to the car, he said it was a lot of books. I told him yes, but there can never be too many books.

In my closet, I have a lot of books. Books I have collected through paperbackswap, and others I have ordered online, and others I have bought at bookstores (new & used). Most days just the sight of my bookshelves in my closet gives me a thrill. I look at the books and see all the places I could go or things to learn. But where is the time? I read the newspaper everyday, too--and sometimes (very rarely) I watch TV.

I guess I need to use some of my computer time.

One thing I do know, at any given time of the day, there is always a book a few feet from me--a book I want to read and enjoy. And I do not have too many books.

Blogging: So Old-Fashioned

You may have noticed that I have been blogging very rarely in the last couple of years. Blame it on Facebook. Keeping up with friends on FB has been the priority. Blogging seems so yesterday now.

I do have a lot of things on my mind still, but processing them has been an activity saved for my therapist visits. But this week I am feeling compelled to write. I am glad I have a place to do that.

Also, I got several new comments on old posts. I have no idea why the sudden jump in comments. Am I linked somewhere? If you know, let me know.

It did serve as a reminder that I do still have this blog. So maybe a little old-fashioned blogging is in order.

Preaching

I really like to preach. Not just the standing in front of a congregation and delivering a sermon. It is also preparing a sermon. All the working with the text and figuring out the theological message that the author intended.

When I prepare a sermon, I am sometimes surprised by the way it turns out. Sometimes the theological message is one that I am not expecting at all. Yet there it is.

I never preach three points and a poem. My sermons are more circular--spiraling to the center and landing on the central message at the end. I like to tell stories, stories that are sometimes too personal. Religion is experiential you know.

When I preach, I have a sense that it is what I am supposed to do, where I belong. I can live off the high of delivering a sermon for a few days. I cannot imagine getting paid for something I love to do so much.

I currently preach about 5 times a year when area pastors ask me to fill in for them. I am glad my name is out there, that the pastors know who to call. I will be thankful for that and not dwell on the issue that if I were a man, I would have been pastoring a church for over ten years by now. It is true, you know.

There is a plan for my life, but it is a rare week that I don't wish that God would hurry up and reveal it to me.