Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Long Time, No Blog

As usual, life gets in the way of things that I'd like to do.  I often find myself saying, "I really should blog about ______."  It is usually a topic that matters to me, but I forget it when I sit at my computer.  And I usually get sucked into reading FB posts anyway. 

When I started blogging, the title "Longing for Home" was what came to me.  It isn't about where you live now--it is about that eternal Home--the aching inside you that says that you belong somewhere else.  I know that ache.  When I faced sending my children back to school today, the demands of a husband that thinks I should be out in a career, the longing of my own soul to leave something of myself on this earth to have an eternal legacy, I know the longing for my Home. 

I want to write a good deal more this year, but I didn't make any resolutions.  In the dreary January and February of the year, I focus on survival and dealing with seasonal depression.  Resolutions are better left to springtime and a time of renewal. 

Or I could do the one-word resolution that some of my friends post about.  But I'm not sure what my word would be.  I desire to do the thing I was called to do--which would be ministry, specifically pastoring--but I do not know how to jump back into the search for a place or how to define myself as a pastor from the place I now stand.  Maybe my word is rediscovery.

Rediscovery is internal as I find out who I am in my mid-30s.  How did I become this person I wouldn't ever have recognized a couple of decades ago.  Rediscovery is external as I incorporate the ones I love in this process.  I value my relationships and know they teach me more about the person I am becoming.

Is rediscovery too broad a word?  I feel on the verge of great things in my life, but there is something keeping me from taking the plunge.  I pray that I am able to see who I am to be in this world.