As usual, life gets in the way of things that I'd like to do. I often find myself saying, "I really should blog about ______." It is usually a topic that matters to me, but I forget it when I sit at my computer. And I usually get sucked into reading FB posts anyway.
When I started blogging, the title "Longing for Home" was what came to me. It isn't about where you live now--it is about that eternal Home--the aching inside you that says that you belong somewhere else. I know that ache. When I faced sending my children back to school today, the demands of a husband that thinks I should be out in a career, the longing of my own soul to leave something of myself on this earth to have an eternal legacy, I know the longing for my Home.
I want to write a good deal more this year, but I didn't make any resolutions. In the dreary January and February of the year, I focus on survival and dealing with seasonal depression. Resolutions are better left to springtime and a time of renewal.
Or I could do the one-word resolution that some of my friends post about. But I'm not sure what my word would be. I desire to do the thing I was called to do--which would be ministry, specifically pastoring--but I do not know how to jump back into the search for a place or how to define myself as a pastor from the place I now stand. Maybe my word is rediscovery.
Rediscovery is internal as I find out who I am in my mid-30s. How did I become this person I wouldn't ever have recognized a couple of decades ago. Rediscovery is external as I incorporate the ones I love in this process. I value my relationships and know they teach me more about the person I am becoming.
Is rediscovery too broad a word? I feel on the verge of great things in my life, but there is something keeping me from taking the plunge. I pray that I am able to see who I am to be in this world.