Reading

I usually have a handful of books around the house that I am currently reading. It feels much better to actually complete them sometimes though. I finished one book and read two others today! Wow! Just typing that makes it seem like a big accomplishment.

I finished Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor today. It had been on the bedside table for a few weeks, but I wanted to finish it before the RevGalBlogPals discuss it on Monday. It was very good for me to read this just before I am about to start my first ministry position. Taylor reflects a lot on not defining oneself based on what he/she is doing.

This morning, I read For God's Sake, Shut Up! by Brian Kaylor. I love the title. It is only 118 pages, and Kaylor has a good style of writing--lots of examples, lots of stories, and humor. The subtitle is "Lessons for Christians on How to Speak Effectively and When to Remain Silent." I doubt that the people who need to read this book will ever pick it up, but it is a good book for a preacher to read and to reflect upon.

After I got the boys to sleep (by reading chapter fourteen of The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis), I saw the book Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo on the bedside table. I have been meaning to read the book, and I was able to read the entire thing in about thirty minutes. It has a great message in it. Now I'll have to go to my Netflix account and put the movie version in my queue.

I have often noticed that I read in spurts. I may not pick up a book for a month, and then suddenly I may read several books in the course of a week. In the recent past I have finished Charity Girl by Michael Lowenthal and The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards (The Memory Keeper's Daughter is the Wake Reads Together book for our county this year). I read it on Monday and Tuesday of this week (I could not put it down).

I still have lots of books that I hope to read soon. I buy them faster than I can read. I have also found that Interlibrary Loan (ILL) is wonderful. I am reading Wendy M. Wright's Seasons of a Family's Life because of ILL.

I wonder when this reading spurt will end. I do have a stack of magazines that are piling up....

"The Call"

What's that I hear? A Call? A church is interested enough to call me into a ministry position?

What's that I feel? Anxious? Excited? Overwhelmed because the interview was just this afternoon?

What do I need? To sleep. To pray. To listen for the Holy Spirit.


More details will be forthcoming....

Global Warming and the End Times

There is an excellent blog post by Tony Cartledge of the Biblical Recorder that went up today.

It is called Premillennial Warming.

My own comments about the topic are posted under Cartledge's post. (I'm the second one to comment.)

Jack Bauer

When I was a teenager, I never had a crush on a star from a movie or television show. I remember many of my friends having those kinds of crushes (even my dh admits to crushing on Alyssa Milano). It never happened to me in all of my 30 years...until a few weeks ago. I discovered I had a crush on Jack Bauer from the television show 24 (played by actor Kiefer Sutherland). It isn't a crush on Sutherland--it is a crush on the role he plays.

My dh started watching 24 a couple of years ago. Since three of the seasons were out on DVD, my dh watched the entire three seasons in three weekends. Since then, he has watched the other seasons as that have premiered on television. Last year, I watched season five with him as it aired because I realized it was something we could do as a couple (since those kinds of things are scarce in these days of raising preschoolers). I didn't have a crush on Jack Bauer then. It happened this season. Precisely, it happened about two weeks ago.

Something about how nicely that gray t-shirt was fitting him as he began interrogating his own brother. Suddenly, I am looking forward to Monday nights a whole lot more than I thought. Thank goodness for our DVR this season. Not only do I not have to rush getting the boys asleep, I can also watch episodes again.

My dh thinks it is amusing. He has been vocal in the past about the actresses that he finds attractive. He has been laughing at my crush since this past weekend. I am just so silly.

I have noticed that Jack Bauer has quite the Messiah complex--always offering himself as a sacrifice to save other(s). Gotta love those (potential) martyrs, I guess.

But how does he keep that t-shirt so clean?

Flight Delay

I am awaiting the arrival of my beloved dh. He has been away for a week's training for his company. He flew out Sunday morning, and I flew (driving) to Sunday School to make it in time. DH was supposed to be here by now (Friday 9:33 PM). His flight left without him because it was overbooked. He will try to make it on the next one, but there are fifteen others trying to do the same.

It was his first flight without family. I hope he isn't scared. Maybe since he is 30 he will be fine.

I wonder if he will come tonight. I wonder if the boys will be upset if he doesn't arrive today. They have been missing him. I have too.

Anticipation and anxiety. I wonder where his bag will end up.

He Leadeth Me

Philippians 3:13b-14 (TNIV)
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I am in a better frame of mind than last week thanks to a good sermon at church yesterday and a good small group discussion last night.


"He Leadeth Me, O Blessed Thought"

He leadeth me, O blessed thought, O words with heavenly comfort fraught!
Whate'er I do, where'er I be, still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me.

He leadeth me, he leadeth me, by his own hand he leadeth me!
His faithful follower I would be, for by his hand he leadeth me.

Rejection

I found a position to apply for last month. It was an associate preschool minister position. For once, I was qualified. I have the experience dealing with preschoolers in our church, and I am getting the education through a certification program over the next few years. The Baptist State Convention of NC is even having me train to be a Preschool Resource Specialist next week so that I can help train preschool workers and churches in the state.

So I had two interviews. I felt really good about both of them. The last one was Monday night, and I felt like the church would be a perfect fit for me. They would let me know very soon.

Wednesday morning I get a call.

Rejection.

They praise my talent and enthusiasm. They wish me well. But what is wrong with me?

It hurts so much.

A big part of it is that interviewing with a church makes you so vulnerable. You cannot misrepresent yourself--you have to be open, honest, revealing. I don't usually bear my heart to complete strangers when I have just met them. But you have to do that with search committees and personnel committees.

My heart is torn open. I feel naked.

I am angry; I am sad; I am hopeless.

I can't cry because my children will cry. They don't understand how useless I feel. As long as I am still there to make them lunch or change a diaper, I have an iota of value. But I want to be used for ministry. Isn't that what God has called me to all my life?

God, why do you call me to full-time ministry and never open a door?

"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs." Mark 7:28

One crumb. Is it too much to ask?

Reading the Chronicles of Narnia Aloud

If you look over to the right of my posts, you will see that I have been reading the final Chronicle of Narnia to my sons. We finished The Last Battle last night. I started reading the series to my sons as they were falling asleep after The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe came out on DVD last year. My 4 year old watched parts of it with me, and he was interested in hearing me read the story. I have to say though that most nights I end a chapter with both of them already asleep.

It will be a while before they can appreciate the stories like I do. I have read the series every 4-6 months for the past 10 years. I have read the stories to my boys in the order they were written instead of the chronological order that the publishers use to sell their editions. That order is: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe; Prince Caspian; The Voyage of the Dawn Treader; The Silver Chair; The Horse and His Boy; The Magician's Nephew; and The Last Battle.

I have found throughout the series that I get quite emotional when I read aloud the parts about Aslan coming into Narnia and meeting the children. I had listened to Focus on the Family Radio Theater's Chronicles of Narnia when I was driving to divinity school and back every week. That series is great, but I found that I enjoyed reading them aloud much more.

The real kicker was the last half page of the last book.

(Spoiler: Don't read on if you don't want to know the conclusion.)




That last half page is the one where Aslan tells the children that they do not have to fear being sent back to their own world because they are in Narnia to stay. A railway accident in the "Shadowlands" (as C.S. Lewis calls this life we live here on this earth) has brought the characters into Aslan's own country.

I'm glad my sons had already fallen asleep last night by the end of that final chapter. It would have been difficult to explain why I was crying. My oldest gets upset at my tears. Yet just like the title of my blog, I am one who is longing for home. I want to get to Aslan's own country, too. And one day I will.

Today at church, we sang two hymns: "How Great Thou Art" and "Victory in Jesus" (two hymns that I don't have to look at the lyrics to sing). Both end with a view of heaven. And I thought about heaven--a heaven shaped by what I had read last night.

The Last Battle is about the end of Narnia. It is an end filled with hope.

Aslan brings the children out of our world into Narnia so that by knowing Aslan there, they could know him better in their own world. I think that I do understand Aslan and Aslan's country a little better because of this series.

And tonight, I think that we will be starting the series all over again.

Women as Professors in SBC Seminaries

While I am no longer Southern Baptist, I still have my roots there. That is why I offer this blog about the removal of a woman from Southwestern Seminary's faculty. It is on Wade Burleson's weblog.

The story of Sheri Klouda's removal from the SWBTS faculty

I was very interested to learn how varied the response has been in this matter.

A Warm Epiphany

I woke up this morning ready to clean the whole house. Spring fever has set in because of the mild temperature here today. It is in the 70s.

But it isn't Easter yet!! It is Epiphany.

I hope that I remember the warmth next week when it gets cooler.

Since the Christmas season is over now, I will take down my Christmas decorations. I never knew that Christmas lasted 12 days until after I discovered the Christian calendar in graduate school. Blame it on the baptist upbringing.

When I was growing up, we had to take down the Christmas tree by New Year's Day or it was bad luck. Most of my friends take their trees down the day after Christmas (or late on Christmas day). That is good for them because some of them had been enjoying the decorations since just after Halloween!

I leave my decorations up until Epiphany now. And just yesterday I remembered that I had two presents stashed away for my boys that I forgot about giving to them at Christmas (blame that on Christmas stress). Maybe it is time to start a new tradition--giving of gifts on Epiphany.

Oh, wait...I think that has already been done.

Scripture for the New Year

One of the laypeople at our church preached yesterday. And she did an excellent job. The lectionary passage Colossians 3:12-17 was the text. It is a worthy goal for the new year to live up to Paul's model as found in this passage.

Colossians 3
12. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.


13. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.


14. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.


15. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.


16. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.


17. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Our speaker told us to hear this passage as if it were addressed to us. And that was enough to help me realize that if I could only do half as much as Paul is asking me to do here, I would have a good attitude to start 2007. I am hoping to keep this passage of scripture before me as my guide this year. Amen.

December 19, 1996

Ten years. A decade. A lot can happen in ten years.

College education. Masters education.

Two houses: a first house, a better house.

Two boys. They look like twins except they are 2 years and 9 months apart.

One ghost baby: miscarried at 10 weeks.

One person: job hopping through five jobs before settling in with the last for these past six years. Now a manager with incredible vision for the direction of the company.

Another person: struggling to find a place. Called by God and dissatisfied with anything less.

One Chinese man. One Southern, white girl.

How did this happen? Ten years ago.

An anniversary card from her parents. Written in it "Happy 10th. That is a long time."

Some days, it does seem like a long time. Today, it seems like yesterday.

Advent Friday Five

Here are five questions about Advent for this first of December:

1) Do you observe Advent in your church?

Yes, we light the wreath every Sunday. Growing up, however, was a different story. I didn't know what advent was until I went to college and attended a city church. I was raised a country baptist.

I like saying Happy New Year at the beginning of advent though.

2) How about at home?

No advent is observed at home with the exception of the hanging of my Salt of the Earth Christian Seasons Calender.

3) Do you have a favorite Advent text or hymn?

I enjoy the advent hymn originally written for Easter--Joy to the World the Lord has come.

4) Why is one of the candles in the Advent wreath pink? (You may tell the truth, but I'll like your answer better if it's funny.)

Poor old Mary in a stable surrounded by a bunch of men. The pink candle is for her.

5) What's the funniest/kitschiest Advent calendar you've ever seen?

I have no idea. I haven't been looking for advent calendar, but I do think that I have seen a Dora the Explorer one in years past.

Black Friday Five

Here are my answers to this week's Friday Five (posted at RevGalBlogPals). They are about Black Friday.


1. Would you ever/have you ever stood in line for something--tickets, good deals on electronics, Tickle Me Elmo?

I have only stood in line to get my son into a neighborhood preschool. It was a first-come, first-served deal. It was a 28 degree January morning at 3:30 AM that I became second in line. And I was 5 months pregnant. But it worked: my son is in that preschool, and his brother will have a better chance of getting in because he is a sibling.

As I contemplated my decision to stand in line in the dark in front of the Lutheran preschool, I realized that I would do this for my kids. I would never do it for anything for myself.

I also realized the value of adult bladder control products.


2. Do you enjoy shopping as a recreational activity?

I hate shopping. I want to get into a store and get out as quickly as possible. Unless it is a bookstore....


3. Your favorite place to browse without necessarily buying anything.

A bookstore!


4. Gift cards: handy gifts for the loved one who has everything, or cold impersonal symbol of all that is wrong in our culture?

It depends on the person. My dh would rather have a Best Buy giftcard than anything else on Christmas. But I know others who would never appreciate a giftcard that much.


5. Discuss the spiritual and theological issues inherent in people coming to blows over a Playstation 3.

These people who fight over the PS3 need a little perspective. Why can't they wait just a few more weeks? However, sitting outside in the cold for days might at least help them with their perspective on the homeless population.

Who's Left?

Dear North Carolina Baptist State Convention,

I have just read about the new policy approved today. The quote from my news source says that it "means churches can't support, promote or bless homosexual behavior. If they do, they risk being banned from the Baptist State Convention."

Now that homosexuality has been addressed, I hope the convention will address other sins in our churches. Maybe, for example, the sins of sexual abuse, divorce, lying, or gluttony could be addressed. If you see those going on in a church, then you could kick them out of the convention, too. Oh, wait a minute...no church would be left in the convention if that were to happen.

But isn't it good to know that the speck of sawdust has been removed?

Pregnancy Theology

One of the women in my mom's group is expecting her second child next month. She is in that last, long month of pregnancy. Here is what she said today:

"It is obvious God is a man, no woman would decide we
actually needed nine months to make a baby."

I've been in that ninth month a couple of times myself. I can understand where this theology is coming from.

Youngest Son

I cannot help but compare my boys. Now that my youngest son is 15 months old, I remember that when my oldest son was 15 months, I was in the midst of selling my house. How did I ever keep it clean for all the realtors who came through?

My youngest is not talking yet. I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that he has three people in this house that talk for him. He points and grunts and cries whenever there is something he needs--and I expect that. But, just like his older brother when he was at this age, I am once again astounded by the fact that this 15 month old toddler knows what I am saying. He responds to my requests.

I tell the boy to pick up the toy and put it away. And he does.

I tell him to go and get his shoes. And he toddles off to bring them to me.

Tonight, I asked him where his mouth was, and he put his fingers in his mouth. I could say that was a teething issue since he is getting about six new teeth right now, but I don't think his response was related to the teeth tonight.

The best response is when I lean close to my son and say the word love. He leans in, sometimes letting his forehead touch mine, and makes a kissing sound.

It won't be long before this son of mine fills the rooms with his constant chatter. (He already fills it with his squeals.)

Oh, Time! How you march through my life!

God, help me be conscience of the fact that this boy knows what I say. Let him learn to love You through my actions and words. Amen.

Sleep

I really should post something. But I'd rather sleep....

When the days get shorter and the weather turns cooler, I can think of no better place to be than in the bed asleep. Let the dreams come as I stay warm under my quilt.

Of course, having a 4 year old boy and a teething 15 month old makes me long for sleep, too. They are so active during the day--and I do my part trying to fill their days with trips to the zoo, state fair, the mall, etc.--that I want to sleep when they sleep.

So why am I still up?

I
am
going
to
bed.

Goodnight.

Paradise

It is heartbreaking to read about this latest school shooting in Pennsylvania. I read that the news reports come from a town called Paradise. It seems like such an oxymoron--definitely not a Paradise for the families living there.

Then I read this quote off of CNN.com:

Sam Stoltzfus, 63, an Amish woodworker who lives a few miles away from the shooting scene, said, "A funeral to us is a much more important thing than the day of birth because we believe in the hereafter. The children are better off than their survivors."

Then I realize that the children who were killed are really in Paradise now--the real Paradise--where everything is more vivid and truer than here on earth.

And something about the Amish in that town also reminds me of a Paradise. Maybe it is about how Jesus taught us to love one another--enemies included. I guess it is the kingdom of God and all that. The Amish community is actually reaching out to the shooter's family. From a friend's post I read:

Two funds have been set up by Old Order Amish. They are both through the Coatesville Savings at 1028 Georgetown Road, Paradise, PA 17503. One fund is the "Nickles Mines Children's Fund." The other is the "Roberts Family Fund, for Children of the Roberts Family."

Wow. It is something to preach the kingdom of God. It is quite another to actually live it.

May God comfort these families as we continue to remember them in our prayers.


Note: I know that Sam Stoltzfus' quote encompassed more than I included here. There is an indication in the rest of the quote that these events were in God's will. That part of the quote is bad theology, in my opinion. I do not blame God for these events. However, I do believe that there is some value in recognizing that when life ends on earth, it is not the end. So thank you for your patience with my spiritual reflection as it is developing.

Planting Verses

This morning, my 3 year old son was watching Curious George on our local PBS station. In the episode, George learns that an oak tree will grow when an acorn is planted. When the man in the yellow hat leaves George alone for a while (as he always seems to do at some point in the show), George wonders what else can be planted. He sees a rubber band and imagines it growing into an inner tube for him to use for floating in the pool. George sees a peacock feather and imagines that it will grow into a peacock. Soon, George is running around his house finding things to plant. He even takes a speech that the man with the yellow hat is working on and imagines how wonderful it will be when a complete speech grows from the few words that are on the paper. George plants the draft of the speech, and he gets in trouble for it.

The episode makes me wonder if I can plant a memory verse or a lectionary passage and have a complete sermon grow--a sermon full of wonderful illustrations, deep insight, and a spirit-filled message. Why, I wouldn't even have to go to the RevGalBlogPals' 11th-hour preacher party on Saturdays before I preach (except to brag that my sermon is finished).

No, we can't plant a verse in the ground and expect the word of God to grow from it. But we can plant a verse in our hearts and minds. In fact, I think the Bible happens to say something about hiding God's word in our hearts. It makes me suspect that knowing God's word will grow a sermon in our own hearts. Of course, we must water that holy word with prayer, fellowship, love, etc. Maybe then we can even see the spiritual reflection that a kids' show on PBS can bring our way.