Saturday, May 27, 2006


Since I started this blog earlier this year, I have been struggling with my dissatisfaction with being a stay-at-home mom. I know I am called to ministry, and I have not been looking for God's direction in that area in the past three to four years. Even my husband has picked up on my dissatisfaction and is gently pushing me to find work--even though it is difficult for me to find a position with the zero experience that I have. At least I do have a degree.

To put it bluntly, I have come to see these last few years as the ones where I have been living an idolatrous life. I have made my comfortable, predictable staying at home as my idol. It is not God that I have been following. Too comfortable, I am now trapped in my own inertia of not seeking a ministry position. I have no idea of where to start.

I am frank when people ask me if I enjoy staying at home with my boys. I tell them no. They are shocked, so I usually use the excuse that it is too much hard work (and it is). I cannot tell them that my domesticity has become my idol.

Wouldn't my sons be better served by seeing their mother follow God? If they know of my calling and see that I didn't follow it, will that not speak to them and give them a negative impression of Christian service? I am doing no one any favors by staying at home.

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